Time after time....

This post has been mulling around in my mind for some time now... I hope it all makes sense...

As long as you've known me, you've known my desire to lose weight and keep the weight off.  Some saw me get very close to my goal weight a few years back.  I find myself sitting here embarrassed to admit that I read a journal entry from last January declaring THIS would be the year.  2012 would be the year that all my weight loss dreams would come true.  The Today Show, Biggest Loser, and a host of other shows that like to celebrate success would surely be calling me..... if you are waiting for the fairy tale ending then open your eyes.  If you've seen me lately you'd know that, well, 2012 was not, after all, THE year.   I've already cried, felt guilty, cried some more, eaten a candy bar (not kidding here) and then cried some more over the fact that my dreams for 2012 hadn't come true.  Bob and Jillian didn't wisk me away in their skinny girl chariot for a shopping spree at Gap, Forever 21, or wherever else you skinnies shop.  Instead, I have managed to gain all the weight back that I lost while going to my nutritionist.  The truth is I wear my sin around daily for all the world to see.  I overeat.  I turn to a slice of pizza for comfort rather than deal with my problems.  I know that there are other ways to deal with my problems.  I have read all sorts of books.  Dr. Oz is my bff. 

So, why oh why can't I change?

I think I found part of the solution. I am always focused on the end, but unwilling to stay focused on the day to day and do the hard work.  I get lazy, disappointed and just plain tired....  I focus on the over 100 pounds I have to lose and think there is no way.  NO way that will eeeever happen.  I start to think of excuses like... well I am 33, getting up there in age, I need calcium because I am just so old...ice cream has calcium, right?....I am a teacher and that's stressful, pass me the m & m's...family sickness is stressful so its okay to eat an extra hunk of cheese (don't judge me, I love my cheese).  Staying power.  Commitment.  Instead....

Excuses.

A few days ago I was driving down the road contentedly eating my dunkin' donut deliciousness....when God brought to mind the teaching about putting old wine into new wineskins.... right in mid-bite.  I was a little annoyed.  You could have waited till after I was done, couldn't you God?  But it hit me.  Really hard.  How can I expect to change my outside if I am still putting all of this junk into it.  How can new wine be made when I am feeding my heart and mind with the same ole' same ole' junk!  Wine takes a long time to become wine.  Period.  Time. It doesn't get halfway to being wine and then just stop because it's sick of waiting.  If you don't like wine example, think of a flower or cheese.  Whatever you can think of that takes time to become what it's meant to be.  Time.  I can either spend my time making excuses for why I will not be able to lose the weight, or I can spend it prayerfully taking the next step toward my new wineskin.  It WILL take time.  That's okay.  Am I going anywhere?  Isn't that what we are given each day is 24 hours to fill somehow.

I know this isn't earth shattering wisdom.  It's common sense.  But still for me, it was what I needed to realize.  What are your struggles? Maybe they are hard for me to see because they are inside.  I hope this encourages you to start to fill your struggle with a new perspective.  You can change.  While you are breathing there is still hope.  Your next step CAN be a step in a new direction.  Just take a step.  One step.  I am not saying 2013 is going to be THE year for my weight loss chariot.  I do pray 2013 is the year I live moment by moment and have faith that it will make a difference.  If I fall, I get back up and back into the moment. 

My prayer is that someday instead of everyone seeing my sin, they will be able to see the victory God has given me over my sin.  Amen!



And people do not pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.
Mark 2:22