It's hard to believe that it has been 12 years. 12 years since I packed up my stratus, took a left at the end of George Wade Road, Oklahoma bound. My first months in Oklahoma are somewhat of a blur. I remember being homesick beyond belief. I felt like an alien in my own land. I almost left a handful of times. School started at the end of August....I got a job, life was moving along steady. About a month into school my cousin asked me to go to church. I said no. Actually I think I might have said h#$% no. (insert shocked emoticon here). The next week....she asked again. Again I said no. And then again....and again. No. No. She never stopped asking and instead of getting in a smack down fight right in the middle of our living room, I said fine. (insert rolling eyes emoticon here). My cousin went to church no only once a week, but twice! TWICE! I thought she was a little cray before cray was a word we used on a regular basis.
The first time I stepped into her church was for a Thursday night gathering. It was a night dedicated to college students and on this particular night a singer Jami Smith was there as a guest. I'm not sure what quite happened. I walked in, sat down, the music started and I bawled like a baby the whole time. Though most of the first few months in Oklahoma were a blur, this night still feels so real. The next time I went to church, though I swore there wouldn't be a next time, was on a Sunday. Pastor Rod was preaching. Most of what he was saying was registering blah, blah, blah. Until suddenly, the last few minutes of his talk, the words that were coming out of his mouth miraculously made contact with my ears and I heard him say... If you're a skeptic of God. If you don't really think that there is a God....I sat up a little more in my chair. I remember thinking...well yeah, duh of course I don't believe in all this God stuff. The next few words that he spoke would forever change me. He said, "take 5 minutes or the length of a song. Ask God to prove himself real to you, then you'll see."
That night i decided to try it. Skeptically, of course. I put on Dave Matthew's version of The Maker (ironically enough). I said in not so many words...if you're real, prove it. He did. I can't quite explain it, other than true divine intervention. I couldn't move. My heart softened and I felt His presence (though I didn't know that's what it was at the time). I was an athiest...as hardcore as they come, you know. Maybe you didn't know that. Maybe you thought I grew up going to church. Always loving Jesus. That's not the case though....
I met Jesus on that day at 23 in the middle of Oklahoma.
It wasn't a fall to the ground she's healed kind of thing. It has been a process. I have gotten to know Jesus and the Bible--yet I still have so much to learn. Always will. I hurt people even though I don't want to. I make mistakes. I doubt. I struggle to believe....but I am changed. I have changed so much.
I don't have a perfect life. Christians aren't perfect. Though some might have treated you in a way that makes you think they are. I'm sorry for that.
12 years later I have come to learn that though life isn't perfect, it will perfect us.
Good times.
Hard times.
In between times.
It's training camp.
The ups and downs. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I also wouldn't change putting on that song that night.
October 27, 2002 will always be a most special day....and now you have an even better understanding of why October will always be my best month ever!!
Love you all!
