Sticks and Stones

We all have this idea of how certain relationships in our life should play out.  Am I right?  We picture how things should or shouldn't be.  It is part of being a human with an imagination.  A blessing and a curse.  Sometimes, actually, most of the time, our should be's get turned upside down and we are left baffled.  But....but...but..... I can see myself so many times standing in the dust of my expectations as I wonder what on Earth just happened....it wasn't supposed to go that way?  It is at this moment I have to remind myself to have a funeral for my expectations.  I don't go all dress in black on them, but I do mourn.  Seriously, I do.

Just last week I had to do this.  Someone close to me said something that just about knocked me over dead.  Excuse me? I was left speechless and completely shocked.  I felt like it was one of those moments where the lights went off and there was a giant spotlight on me.  The announcer in my mind came on and shouted, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  To which I kindly objected.  Words will never hurt me??? Whoever came up with that saying must have had no feelings to begin with.  For real.

So, my shocked self decided to put up a wall that even the most skilled climber couldn't get over.  I had thoughts like, I can't believe so and so did that.  What nerve?  No one else has to go through this.  It is so unfair.  Why me?  Why me x 100?   I knew that I couldn't continue in this mourning process.  I was miserable.  I wanted so badly to go back and rewrite the chain of events and  have them line up with my expectations.  I decided to forgive, but not fully, only about 25% or so..... yeah, yeah...I know.

I was still stewing some on Sunday when I went to church.  I cringed when I saw the topic of Pastor's message.  Forgiveness.  I let the message sink in.  As I was looking at the scriptures referenced by pastor, I came upon another set of scripture that I had circled at some point.  I don't know when or why, but as soon as I read them, I knew God had meant them for that very moment.

Proverbs 20:30

It was at that moment that I realized that this situation could make me stronger and wiser or bitter and helpless.  I also realized that these unmet expectations are a part of life.  When these things happen to us, they can cleanse us of the evil that we so dearly want to hold onto.  Unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, you name it.  I, like the person that hurt me, need the inner depths of our hearts cleansed on a daily basis. I am crazy to think that I too haven't hurt someone in the same way.

It is okay to mourn what we thought should have been, but also important to look at what truly is and celebrate.  Life may not be fair, but we can still fare well despite.

Until next time....