When a child enters your room in the morning they are all carrying a certain set of "chips." She likens it to a game of poker. Some enter with a full bucket ready to "go all in" and are able to handle whatever comes their way. Others enter with no chips. Their parents, if they are able to live with them, might have ignored them. Someone might have taken what little chips they may have had by an irresponsible comment or remark about them. Or, maybe their chips were taken..... by the fact that they don't have any food at home, or their clothes aren't clean and they worry about other kids noticing.
That morning, this particular student was lacking chips. When I stopped to look again, I noticed his face that had a smear of dirt on its right cheek. His mom or dad (depending on whose week it was) must not have even noticed. If they did, surely they would have helped to wipe it clean, right? My second look saw eyes that already felt bad enough about the irresponsibility. On third glance, I noticed my own choice. I looked him in the eye and told him that there would be a consequence, but that I believed that, despite him not doing his homework today, I still believed in him. Mercy. As he left for home later that day I pulled him aside and told him again that I believed he could do it. We brainstormed ways that would help him be successful at completing his homework. Encouragement.
My perspective is what will add or take chips from the people in my life. Now, I am in no way making excuses for this little one in not doing his homework. I am simply saying that I needed to get off of my, for lack of better analogy, "high horse" and love. Love him despite his homework lacking. Love him because he needs some chips added to his life so that he has a chance of success. More chips. Seems simple, but hard for most. How many people in your life are operating on a chip deficit? The next time someone fails to meet your expectations. Step back. Look again. And love despite. You just might add some chips to their life so that the next person they cross paths with will reap the benefits.
This is a great post and what I needed to read I believe. Just had a rough day working with children and teens at a behavioral health hospital and they can be pretty disrespectful to say the least. Not to mention that since I am new there and whenever a tech sees me trying to talk to the boys about various topics (usually being about responsibility, respect of self, peers and staff) they politely and quietly suggest that I just let it be. To me that means they are giving in and just assume that these boys are going to act out, get frustrated etc and that's just what they do. No use in trying to reason with them. To me, when they so nicely try to encourage me not to give so much of myself in my job they are saying, eh, this is what we expect, we realize it's not okay, but we aren't going to try to help them. We are just going to let them misbehave, sit them out, lose privileges, and what not. I can't do that. And so my choice is to continue to be the new girl who seems to everyone else to be a naive, laid back push over, but if I can reach just one of these kids then to me it's worth it. And the truth is, I may never know if something I said or did helped one of the along their life journey, but I for one can't just shrug my shoulders and say eh, they are brats and that's why they are here in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI have many nights to look forward to coming home emotionally exhausted because this is how I choose to be a recreational therapist.
Thank you for your post. I love the analogy.
-Andi
Andi! Keep doing what you're doing! Sounds like a challenging, but rewarding position to be in. Don't let the naysayers get you down! Keep on!
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